haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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