i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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