I want to have your abortion
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
