I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
