Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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