He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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