my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Every concussion has its silver lining
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
