sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
