There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
