I wish my penis had an off switch
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
