u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
