i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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