Someone shit on the floor
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
