I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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