You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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