What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
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