Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
