Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
