it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
