I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
