i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
