i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Your mouth is God's brothel.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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