WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
