I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
