Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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