Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
