Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
