So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
