I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
