you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
