fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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