Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
