Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
