This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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