sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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