Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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