I want to have your abortion
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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