Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
