I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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