I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
