Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
