She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Im part way to drunk.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
