we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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