Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
