I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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