i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
