And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
