Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
