i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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