The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
